How a Coach is like an Audience

Jul 18, 2021 | Weekend Wisdom

You want to get to the next level of your career. You want to have a balanced life where it doesn’t feel like you are sacrificing your social life, your health, or your soul to achieve your dreams. You want to have less anxiety and more confidence. You want to really believe in yourself. You are frustrated and feel like you are moving in circles. You are sick and tired of all the bullshit that is holding you back.

Sound familiar?

We’ve all been in this mind loop before. That place where we are deeply aware of our dreams but seem nonetheless stuck in the ways of being that brought us to our present state.

You’ve consulted books, read blogs and e-newsletters, and maybe even a taken a course online and yet somehow it feels like nothing has changed.

And you can’t figure out why!!

On my first day in Conservatory at Atlantic Acting School, we had a lengthy conversation about what makes a good performance. By the time we left that room, I had a new definition. Ultimately, a good performance is one where the audience understands and experiences the intended experience of the characters, regardless of what we, the actors, feel. I’ll admit, it was kind of a mind f*$%! How can I give a good performance if I can’t judge my performance based on my own perceptions?

I don’t know about you, but I’m big feeler, and I’ve been totally guilty of judging how good of a performance I’ve given based on the quality and size of my own emotional experience, especially before Conservatory.

Did I cry? Did it feel real? Was I really acting off the other person?

Now, some of these qualities can make a really good performance, and ..

Sometimes I’ve given performances where I spent the entire show teetering on the line of in it and out of it. You know, when your brain is distracted or trying to distract you, for who knows what reason. Those performances, I’ve used a ton of energy just working on bringing my focus back to my scene partners.

And then there are those performances where I was completely exhausted, used zero technique, and it just kind of happened.

Interestingly, in many of the second and third scenarios, I received plenty of genuine heart-felt compliments on the impact of my performance.

So my internal perception, of how good it was or how present I was, was completely inaccurate or actually didn’t matter.

And yet, when we decide we are ready for change, all of sudden some of the same patterns show up for us. Either we feel completely ready and dive right in or we experience doubt, fatigue, and lack focus in some way.

But rather than show up and moving through our doubt, fatigue, and lack of focus, we make excuses and let them take hold.

This is what some of my excuses sound like:

I’ll do that when I have more money.
I’ll do that when I have more time.
I’ll do that when I get more organized.
I’ll do that when I feel more confident.
I’ll do that when I lose 10 lbs.
I’ll do that when my life calms down.

And the list goes on …

A month later, 3 months later, a year later, I still haven’t done the thing!

You know why. That circumstance, where everything feels perfect and ready to be born, doesn’t happen on its own. It requires showing up consistently with commitment. It also requires showing up in a way you never have before. (Otherwise you would have that thing or you would have achieved that goal already.)

I’m good at showing up consistently when someone is expecting me to. But showing up for myself? I’m getting better at it. Still ….

I’m not great at showing up differently without a lot of support.

For years, I was totally ashamed that I couldn’t do it myself. I assumed that everyone else was achieving their goals ALL ALONE while I was an abject failure.

I have had a consistent coach for the past year and have learned that it is a lot more fun and a lot less painful to have support!

During that time, I experienced more shifts internally and externally than I ever have in my life. Some were not in my control at all. (Hello pandemic!) Some were somewhat invisible and waiting to be unveiled. (yes, Hashimoto’s) The rest required an active choice, to take a deep look at myself and the things I liked the least, be willing to accept and love those things, and ultimately, to do the work to integrate the new ways of being I actually want.

A coach is like an audience.

As your coach, I have enough perspective on your life to see and perceive things in a way that you’re just not objective enough to see yourself. And that’s okay. No one is that objective!!

By getting that outside perspective, you can see what you’ve actually achieved, give yourself the credit you are due, and keep going, even when things get painful or challenging.

Are you ready to get some external perspective and make some shifts in your life?

Step One – Pull out your journal and answer these questions: What is my biggest dream, goal, or change that I would like to achieve? Where do I need perspective right now?

Step Two –  Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Step Three – Book your free consultation today. We’ll spend an hour digging into your own mind game so you can start really moving forward.


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